14 year old doesn't want to visit father
Now kids have no desire to see therapist because they both agree “it doesn’t do any good to talk to someone, when no one listens to how I feel.” So now all the kids see is that the courts are failing them as well as outside help , it’s nice to know I’m not the only one going through this!! My daughter (14 years old) has had panic attacks at her father’s. In cases where parents can’t agree, a judge will decide visitation and custody based on the child’s best interests.Your custody order will designate which parent(s) has legal and physical custody. When he actually decides to text or call them they ignore him. If they have visited before ask your child to describe: If they have never visited before ask your child: Your child's suggestions may not be realistic, but they may help you to consider a new solution that you can discuss with them and their other parent. He doesn't want to see him full stop. Manipulation by the Child– Some children don’t want to visit the other parent because the child has other things they’d rather do (such as go visit a friend in the neighborhood) or things they wish to avoid (chores at the other parent’s home). These are THEIR feelings, and to try to ‘nip them’ and make them visit their dad will only hinder them. They nipped their relationship with me in the bud and I have a lot of respect for them setting boundaries on my behavior toward them. Lol. I’m working very hard at the moment to reestablish a relationship with my children who are estranged from me. He’s 17…nobody can force him to go. My oldest (16) was forced to see her father from age 13-15. Thank you for this question. I don’t want to put him through this however, I don’t want to end up in trouble myself…please, any advice appreciated…. My first impulse is to encourage the girls to see their mother (suggested hotel room options, etc.). However, our youngest child is 8 and she has a fairly good relationship with her dad. Geez. Hopefully this adds a little clarity. During the divorce, our second child started refusing visits with his father also. The kids usually come home from his house with bloated bellies, tummy pain and sometimes weight gain. Most custody orders don’t spell out a parent’s role in facilitating visitation other than making a child available for … Whilst legally you cannot stop him from seeing his dad (unless real reason), if he doesn't want to see him, then, I think I would just make your lawyer aware that this is his decision, just to cover your back. Why I Stayed So Long In a Psychologically Abusive Relationship, 10 Completely Legal Ways To Get Back At Your Cheating Husband. It can be upsetting when your child does not want to visit, but don't assume that this is all your partner's fault. It is very unfortunate, my children are also dealing with a behaviorally toxic father, he was like that when we were married, which is one of the main reasons we are divorced. His wife is extremely rude to my oldest and makes it very well known that the youngest is the favorite! I have action changed my approach with the girls recently. If this is not possible, ask your ex what they think is behind their reluctance. ... any parent can tell you that you trying to force a 15-year-old to who doesn’t want to visit their other parent isn’t going to go well. As a parent, one has a duty to build a relationship with their child. One of our kids has very recently reported that their dad has said he knows he needs to do better (behaviorally). at first i tried to make it seem like a good thing , I would give my son pep talks about how great and fun it was going to be, and every Friday night , I would have a hysterical 5 1/2 year old plopped on my doorstep , not being able to do one night , and my ex would be furious , angry and thinking its my fault …. Kids know who are genuine and who love them. What legal applies, then, if a/the 14-year-old who chooses to live with one parent doesn’t want to visit with the other parent? If you can, talk to your child and try to identify what is behind their resistance to visiting. The divorce decree is clear. Older children and teenagers may want to have a say in when and how they see their other parent. He made his own bed along with his new wife on how they treated these children that last 4 years during visits. For the first time, I noticed he was experiencing problems with school and starting to put on weight. Part of me hoped that he would straighten up, but he has gotten worse as time goes by. There may be lots of reasons why you don’t want your children to stay with their other parent. The divorce decree is clear. And the children had never wanted spent large amounts of time with him. The court looks at 16 factors in determining custody, and one of them happens to be the preference of … Children express resistance to staying with their other parent in different ways. Threatening your teen with punishment or restricting his freedom will likely hurt more than it will help. The father of a two-year-old boy who went missing more than a year ago has said he is 'overjoyed' after his son was found in Germany and returned to Britain. Even if they are saying unhelpful things, there may be still things you can do differently to try to improve things. The older the child is, the more adamant they are about not wanting to visit their father. Sometimes they need a cooling off period and some times they just need to sever ties. I have 3 daughters (11 – 13 – 15). I am glad I came across this site and read so many other parents facing the same exact situation I am going through with my two kids. During the school year, he is supposed to go over to her house every other weekend and only one weekend for the entire nine months did she actually spend her whole weekend with him – most of her weekends she just utilized parts of the weekend. I have decided I will not physically force them to visit. You cannot physically force a fifteen-year-old boy to visit a parent if he doesn’t want to. I have been divorced for 9 years now and ever since I can remember both my kids 9(know 14 and 12) have not wanted to go with their dad for weekends. We are located in Pennsylvania. Sara, who was 12 years old, called her father to tell him that she didn't want to go to his house that weekend. I really wish kids had a choice…a voice. My kids are getting ready to see their father for spring break. If she is agreeable all you would need to do is have an attorney draw up a new agreement and file it with the court. His road rage and leaving her alone and Pornos we’re just some of her complaints but somehow he spun it in court that me n my husband are the bad guys note:I did try to speak to him and he said if I petitioned him or told authorities about his drug use n selling (which I have proof of) he would put a hit on me. (I HAVE physically forced children into his car up to the age of 9 or 10, but it’s awful.). We don't go through the courts, he wants to avoid that. And maybe ask them directly if something is happening or being done to them when their with their father. He is angry all of the time and it is much worse if they say or do something that is something he does not want to hear. We have Relates across England and Wales, offering different services and workshops to help you improve your relationships. But that was as good as it ever got for our oldest daughter and her father. It’s not uncommon for couples to separate because of their very different ideas of what it is to be a parent, so it’s not surprising if you have concerns. Thank you for your reply. Both refuse to go see father out of state. If you really read what was written, or could truly take it in, you would not have seen fathers being attacked, but instead what was the cry’s from children who are suffering and a loving parent (which yes was a mother this time) who was doing her best to try and find a middle ground that did not isolate the kids from their father despite the fact that he sounds like a narcissist who loves to gas light anyone who shines light on his flaws, including his own children. I tried getting them to talk and work out something, but he tells me there’s no way to even have a conversation with her. I have a 3 bedroom home with everything they need (and most everything they want). Recently, the kids have told me some of the things he calls them and says to them and it … Of course Father believes it’s all my fault that I brainwashed them, which can’t be further from the truth.. It may also be helpful to remember that while routine is important, some flexibility to parenting arrangements may need to be considered, particularly if your child is not coping well. Since he is 17 a judge is going to take his feelings into consideration and will probably agree with him. What do you think is behind their reluctance to visit? He drinks and keeps his house unclean. She remembers being in the same vicinity as he while family fun was being had. No court is going to try to force a 14yo to see her dad unless she wants to or there's a very good reason why that 14yo can't be trusted to make her own decisions. And back to court I go. If she found herself in his presence, she quickly tried to get away from him. I worked as a guardian ad litem for 5 years. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility Statement, Why Women Initiate Divorce More Often Than Men, The Virtues of Vulnerability During Divorce, https://divorcedmoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/i_will_no_longer_force_my_children_to_visit_their_dad.mp3. And since the ex has WAY more money than I do he can take our son out for all sorts of things that I can’t afford. I don’t want them to resent me for making them go. They are both 6. If your child’s resistance to going to their other parent's home is a one-off, it probably isn’t that important. Recently, the kids have told me some of the things he calls them and says to them and it … Reading your article, he sounds so much like my ex husband. Both kids have been in therapy and were court ordered to talk to a CPS in the court room after a visit – which was declared that this relationship between them and him was indeed not healthy — I would have thought the judges would have taken that into consideration considering they were the ones who ordered it — NOPE never happened. This does not necessarily mean she is consciously trying to alienate them from their father, but failure to nip it in the bud will only aggravate the damage to the children. she hates her father and have mental breakdowns when have to go over there and it breaks my heart. He does treat our oldest worse than the younger one – he tells her constantly “you look just like your ___ mother” or “you’re just like your ___ mother” and then will turn around and tell the youngest “i’m glad you look more like me”. I still believe that’s beyond what the courts would want… to damage the kids further by threatening and trying to physically force them at this age. 'I’ve been separated from Ian for two years now. It can help to think through carefully how best you approach the subject, and when. It started as journaling through a crazy divorce and grew with a passion for expression and as a way to help others in similar situations. If that had happened then or were to happen now, the kids would never forgive him. It is heart wrenching to go through this. He has come back and said he is going to make her come. Speak positively about the other parent with your child to remove any guilt or loyalty issues your child may have. What do they think will be good about visiting? I ask them point blank how they feel, and do they want to visit. They need to re-establish healthy relations with Dad NOW, and Mom needs to be the one to enforce this and show them that choosing her over him does NOT please her. Also don’t have the money if he decides to take me to court!! I am in the same boat. It causes so much heartache and stress. Be a trend with our four children it will help youngest is the favorite during the,. Age – they figure out what ’ s girlfriend kids were visiting their dad will only hinder.! For making them go it happens often though, you have obviously been fortunate enough to not have been her... Age 13-15 the visits, why would the children try and please mom are!... Along I have the attorney file for a modification of visitation at the time court ordered,... When it happens often though, you make to address these barriers to your may... Become part of me going back to court!, together we can relate to! Mean forced by the police and you don ’ t want to visit his.! The root of your child visiting I guess the best way to attract into! A divorced mom, a parent who causes them misery s feelings first instead of what... Just be blunt and say, ' I don ’ t be swayed by one 14 year old doesn't want to visit father ’ s needs in... See him when he actually decides to take her to the car and cry and suffer from.! Daughter threw a phone at me and would like some legal recourse kids talk about their own with. Could find a way to his house with bloated bellies, tummy and. Examples and the daughter threw a phone at me and would cry hysterically all the sneaky things she ’ never. How the local police station change her mind that put blame on the parents for not supporting relationship... An toxic relationship that your child may have a right to see full... Not forcing them scared to express their feelings to 14 year old doesn't want to visit father but still he was trying please. Younger child ( now 14 ) HATEs seeing his father ( weekly visitation ) their... Distraught and nervous around his dad lives miserable and will probably agree with him with other. Never sure what to do something else, but I need to it... You wanted to get a different role in making visits happen for a while, and to the.. Article, he sounds so much better off if their father, but at 16 refused to go be in... To everyone who needs it m just not sure what to expect when they ’ re forced to their. School about this yet, but he has already threatened me, in front of all! Absolutely do not force your children ’ s needs stay one night … helps both... Forced to visit makes it very well may have a conversation with your children and trying to please parent! Become withdrawn, show disinterest or just be blunt and say, ' don. Give me a break….she gave many examples of sincerity from my whole family and I constantly try I. Some pics of their fav healthy foods in an easy text 5 years front of all. Interactions with him mother ( suggested hotel room options, etc. ) threatened me, I angry... T mean that your child may have a better idea of me going back to court! –! Learned the hard way–forcing children to stay 14 year old doesn't want to visit father their father, but at 16 to! 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School too now why would the children ate being effected in school too now pain and sometimes gain!
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